“for though we travel light we have the burdens of 300 miles in our heads.” -Brenda Frazer
Oh, the burdens
Not hundreds, but thousands- infinite miles
seen and still yet to see, travel
All that I cannot unsee, cannot
forget or unknow, still stuck in my
head, heart, gut like knowledge/experience-thorns
Unreliable narrator, even of my own life
Neither here nor there, or anywhere, really- just
shallow roots, passing through the moments
A sojourn of life, no regrets becomes one haunting, fleeting memory-
flash forward, or flash back, it’s all the same fucking day
in a different city, different country. New self, new identity, new purpose
So much change and so much newness leads to a life
fixated-obsessed-absorbed-disturbed-addicted
to a metamorphosis so pure & true that the self simply disappears.
Who are you, again? Who were you then?
It’s all a blur, forgive me. I am not myself, and myself
is not me. Somehow, the miles have transformed me-
into someone/no one/everyone I do not recognize
wary, wanderlusting, wrecked- a WONDROUS TRAMP
in all connotations you could derive in your condescending mind-
A worn-down woman “living the dream” when her only desire
is just to keep moving and forget about the small shit; maybe
you don’t get it, well good for you. I wish I did, too…
“Don’t get up, gentlemen, I’m only passing through.” Well, Bobby D
knows what it is to always be a foreigner: awkward, impermanent, unknown-
to stand out while being invisible; telling yourself you’re invincible on borrowed time
And life isn’t the same as it was back then; being on the road
doesn’t bring an overwhelming excitement, just an exhale of relief,
to be rid of a society that brings you down, shames, ostracizes for non-conformation
To be a misfit of time and place
No culture to call my own- just everyone else’s
from countries in which my name is long forgotten
Travel is breath, travel is life, travel is exhausting
and overwhelming… Oh, the poverty the sadness the injustice
the polluted soils and souls the corruption the wrongs that no woman can right
Yet I can’t live without it- staring at four walls at ceilings at veins
in my anxious hands… The need to get out, to roam, to drift- it kills my cells,
drowns my lungs, eats the happiness-potential of my brain
For what good is life when you are trapped in a body that
cannot fly, cannot flee? Stuck stuck stuck inside this shell of skin; memories
of smiling faces, fleeting landscapes, roaming animals, colors I can’t comprehend
and languages I can’t see… They all turn morose as they pass through
this memory-mind, for I’ve fallen again. My spine aches and my head cries-
for it’s all dissolving in stillness; a permanent sojourn in time is no life at all.
“Who are you, again? Who were you then? / It’s all a blur, forgive me. I am not myself, and myself / is not me. Somehow, the miles have transformed me-”
So good!!! Appreciated this, can relate, thank you.
LikeLike
Thank you, Leah! I’m glad you could relate. Travel is such a strange, transformative, seductive beast. I’m happy you could relate!
LikeLike
Ohh wow! very awesome lines these are, thanks for sharing this post. This is really very awesome and amazing.
LikeLike
I can definitely relate, especially when you mention the need to get out and explore new places!
LikeLike
It may be “exhausting” at times but I too “Cannot Live without it!” I love this reading. To me, travel is moving thus it is growth & even that equals life,
Thank you for this wonderful reading! “I am only Passing through!”
LikeLike
This part really spoke to me “Travel is breath, travel is life, travel is exhausting and overwhelming…”. There have been many times where I am exhausted and overwhelmed but I always get right back up and do it all over again 🙂
LikeLike
“Travel is breath, travel is life, travel is exhausting”…great lines.
Really loved reading it. Keep up the goodwork.
LikeLike
I love what you say about the feeling of being transitory, not permanent, always passing by. That brings so many blessings and challenges at the same time, and it really resonates. I’m glad you articulated those thoughts, and the cadence of what you write mirrors the rush of the road.
LikeLike
“Travel is breath, travel is life, travel is exhausting and overwhelming…” This was my favorite line. Travel can be tiring, but so inspiring and eye-opening, too! Thanks for this different take on a travel blog post!
LikeLike
So true about always being a foreigner – admittedly it’s something I’ve come to quite like, but it’s still hard to explain to non traveller friends!
LikeLike
Ohh thats awesome! Very very well writen – this is really amazing!Thanks for sharing that with us
LikeLike
Very fine writing. I was just thinking yesterday that the greed to travel cannot be satisfied: Packing to go home, I was so not ready to settle and already thinking of the next destination I have to explore. I am definitely hooked – so hooked!
LikeLike
What an interesting read. I agree I definitely always want to get out and explore new places and cultures.
LikeLike